Sand and Phone Books
by Eines Zwei Drei
Summary: AU. In the year before the pilot, Seth Cohen struggles at school with water polo players and the label of 'queer'.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Seth Cohen, nor any of the Newport he lives in. I have however created a few characters, you'll know then when you see them.

**Warning:** This story will eventually feature a theme of homosexuality, although there will never be any graphic sex scenes. Also Ryan will not be in this story. Consider yourself warned.

Finally; enjoy and leave a review.

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Seth Cohen had spent a lot of time being called a queer. It seemed his days at school nearly revolved around it; he was a queer, therefore he was worthless, he was a nerd, he was unlikeable, and on any given day, his queerness warranted a slam against a locker, pee in his shoes, or an elbow in the stomach. But today they had something new. Fighting on school grounds was of course prohibited, it was punishable by suspension, and the water polo players simply weren't willing to risk it for the queer loser. But if no one saw it, was it a fight? If there was no bruises, no blood, did it happen? 

Seth wasn't surprised when his shirt wrenched away from his body, pulling him along with it. His shirt held by three Water polo players. He tried to play it off. What point was life if you didn't enjoy it as least some of the time? And Seth had decided long ago, if making himself happy included sarcasm, making his own jokes and talking to a plastic horse that was fine.

The boys' locker room was deserted at lunch. Seth's voice spouting ironies bounced off the wall as his captors continued to march along.

They sat him down the bench, and opened the locker directly in front of him. It held four phone books.

"Planning on making some long distance calls?"

Then, Jay, another blond haired demon came from behind him, holding a steel baseball bat.

Seth swallowed heavily.

"And playing some baseball afterwards? I didn't think that was your sport?" He tried to keep his voice the same, even, sarcastic.

"Shut up queer."

They forced him down on the floor, it smelt like gym socks and sweat he noted bitterly to himself. Luke had one foot on the small of his back, keeping him down, while Jay piled phonebook, after phone book on his back in a nice little pile.

"Make sure he doesn't move." One of them said to another, as he raised the bat and his the phonebooks with all his might.

Seth felt his breath escape from his lips, as pain reverted around every part of his body. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't call out, he couldn't scream. He could just lay there.

As they chuckled to themselves, and passed the bat around.

He had given up squirming, he knew it would get him nowhere, just harder blows, he felt like his ribs must be smashed, his internal organs rupturing, his skin bruised black and blue.

He squeezed his eyes shut, it must be almost over, lunch must almost be finished.

The bell ringing felt like warmth rushing over his body, it felt like relief, as they threw the phone books and the bat back in the locker, and walked away.

"See ya Queer." one called back.

Seth just rolled over. He had never hurt so bad in his life. He stumbled to his feet, his hands were shaking, his eyes watery, his vision jumping.

He felt like crying, he felt like throwing himself off a bridge. Because they had a new game now, and it would happen again.

He stumbled to his locker, the pain abating slightly, his back still felt cold, dead and smashed. He picked up his skateboard, and walked out. No one would miss him, and he couldn't stay here one more minute.

He couldn't go home, he had nowhere else to go. So he did exactly what every other California teenager would do, he went to the beach.

He was lying in the abandoned sand, looking up at the sunny November sky, and listening to the gray cold waves beat up on the shore. When he heard something, it sounded like Death Cab. It sounded like '_Passenger Seat', _he pushed himself up, his back muscles screaming. Walking across the beach, almost right in the surf, was a boy, headphones in his ears, and this boy was looking at him.

Seth was looking back at him. Almost with relief. This kid was not a water polo player, he didn't even go to Harbour. He was wearing converse shoes, he was wearing a shirt with a collar, his hair was in his eyes reached lankily down to his shoulders, and he was listening to Death Cab for Cutie. As he came closer, Seth could see the silver glinting off of him, in his eyebrow, and his lip.

Seth wasn't sure what was rumbling in his stomach. Whether it was broken ribs or attraction. He had never been attracted to a guy before, but honestly at Harbour he didn't have much of a selection. He liked Summer, even if she didn't like him back, because it was expected, because he could tell his Dad about it.

But this was different. His heart was pounding, he felt short of breath, and it was a good thing.

The guy walked over, sand sticking to his wet shoes.

"Hey." He flicked off his MP3 player. Seth struggled into a sitting position.

"Hey." He smiled, almost unintentionally.

"I.. Uh.. Never see anybody out here." The boy grinned, as if he was almost glad he had discovered Seth.

Seth shrugged. "Taking a slight break from school." He joked.

The boy lifted an metalled eyebrow.

"You go to Union?" Seth sometimes almost forgot Newport Union existed, Harbour seemed his entire existence, everyone he knew, all the same kids he had gone to private elementary school went to Harbour, all his neighbours in his gated little community, went to Harbour.

Sometimes he forgot that there were numbered streets, sometimes he forgot there was a public school seven blocks from the pier.

"Nah, I got to Harbour." Seth said this, his mouth forming words, yet all he could were this boys eyes, brown eyes, with flecks of gold and amber, they shook him. They determined, that this feeling in his stomach was not shattered ribs after all.

He extended his hand.  
"Seth Cohen."

"Josh Campo." Josh reached out and shook his hand, smiling a little to himself, seating himself cross legged next to Seth.

"I didn't think guys who weren't Water polo players with shaved chests, and pick up trucks went to Harbour."

Seth was struck with the urge to talk to this kid, Josh. Seth talked a lot, but he didn't talk to anyone, to his parents he was just background noise, to the kids at school his voice, his words didn't mean anything.

Seth gestured down at himself. "Thus, the reason why I am not there right now."

Josh laughed to himself, looking down at the sand, running it through his fingers.

"You mean the Water polo players don't like you?" He mocked shock.

"Oh they like me, like to call me a queer, like to push me around, and most recently creating my most recent exodus, they like to." He paused, surprised at the fact that he was talking about these horrible things in his typical sarcastic banter, yet he was enjoying himself. "Pile phone books on my back, and hit me with a baseball bat."

Josh almost looked a little shocked for a moment, he looked up startled, meeting his eyes with Seth.

"You got phone booked? I didn't think those bastards had it in them."

"Phone booked?" Seth repeated. It sounded so strange, for such a weird activity to have a name other people would know. But then again, Josh was not a regular person.

"Those rich bastards must have been doing their research." Josh looked up, and Seth tried to portray that he was interested in what he had to say, that he was actually interested in this phenomenon of phone booking that was clearly spreading amoung water polo players everywhere.

Josh must have noticed. "It hurts like hell, and doesn't leave a mark. White supremacist came up with it, to beat up gays."

"Well how on target." Seth retorted, the words coming out of his mouth before he realized what it was that he was saying. What his words sounded like. It sounded like him admitting that he was gay. He hadn't meant it that way, he simply meant that the Water polo players thought he was. But was he? His brain suddenly went into overdrive. He had been pondering Josh's eyes for the last five minutes. He had been pondering Josh's eyes in a way that was not exactly heterosexual.

Oh god.

Seth was almost afraid to look up, god, Josh would think he was gay, and walk away.

Seth looked up, Josh was looking down, building piles of sand at his feet. He looked up as Seth did. His eyes almost knocking Seth over, as he smiled, more with his eyes than his mouth.

Seth smiled too. He had never felt this way before.

They both looked away. Seth returned his gaze back to the Ocean, watching the foam retreat as the next

wave hit.

"I've been phone booked too." Josh's voice was low, and little, but Seth heard it, and it meant all the difference, it was a confession of sorts.

Josh was chewing on his lip, the metal clicking off his teeth.

Seth twirled his hair with an absent hand.

Josh made a move to go.

"I should probably get back, get back for last period." He was already standing, brushing the sand off his baggy black pants. Seth could see him; look at him.

Seth smiled, he couldn't show that this meant anything to him, he couldn't show that he was sad that Josh was leaving, he had to be stealth.

"Yeah okay, I should probably go too." Harbour must get out earlier than Union he noted to himself as he looked diligently at his watch. Last period was already half over.

Josh was just about to walk away, having already taken a step, when he looked back.

"But I'll probably be here tomorrow."

Seth nodded, like it didn't matter, his heart jumping.

"Mkay."

Seth watched as Josh trudged through the sand, slowing getting further and further away, disappearing into the sand and the surf.

"Well fuck." He muttered to himself. He wasn't sure why, maybe it was because his muscles hurt like hell, that he had skipped out half a day at school, or perhaps most importantly, he liked a boy.

As Josh finally disappeared, Seth turned and walked away, walked the distance to his house, until his hands started shaking again from the pain growing in the small of his back and shooting up, spreading pain like wildfire. Yet somehow it wasn't as bad, it wasn't as bad as it had been before. Because Josh had been phone booked, because Josh hated water polo players, because Seth wasn't alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** All the OC characters belong to Josh Schwartz, Josh Campo belongs to me. (Or rather himself as he is a friend of mine, and I have decided to put him in my story).

**Author's Note:** Yet again, fluffy homosexual scenes to follow.

Thanks for the reviews, and there will be another chapter.

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Seth knew the routine. His Dad would hit the door promptly at 6:30, and his Mom would rush in sometime around 7:15, give or take a half a hour. Which meant from the time he entered into the house he had almost three hours of silence. He hiked up to his room, and fell on his bed, kicking off his shoes, hearing sand fall with them. 

He wanted to lie there forever, relishing in the fluffiness of a warm bed that was forgiving to his pain, yet at the same time he wanted to smile, and he wanted it to be tomorrow.

Seth stumbled off his bed and pulled off his shirt and examined his back in the mirror, craning his head over his shoulder. Yet Josh had been right, not a mark. Not a bruise, not a welt. Just muscles that were as hard as rocks with tension.

Sandy noticed a difference in Seth the minute he had walked down the stairs, opened the fridge, taken out an orange juice and muttered "hey Dad." between gulps.

It wasn't anything he said, or even anything written in his face. It was almost as if it was reverberating off him. Something happy.

"How was school today son?"

Seth considered it for a moment. A grin rushing over his face before he could stop it. "It was good."

That was the nail in the coffin as far as Sandy knew. Something had happened today. Perhaps Summer had talked to him, perhaps another girl. That grin, that Seth was trying so hard to erase off his face, was a grin that came from a member of the opposite sex, Sandy knew that, he had smiled that smile himself.

Seth lay in bed, his music playing softly, his mind on overdrive. Thoughts he had been forcing out of his head all through conversation with his Dad, and through dinner, for normalcy's sake, simply because he worried he wouldn't be able to keep the smile off his face.

It was Josh.

It was the emo kid with the lanky hair, the facial piercings, and a studded belt. With eyes that made his heart beat.

Yet thinking about him, put a fear in the pit of his stomach. A fear, that he had known for a long time yet had never admitted to himself, a fear that he was gay. A fear that he liked guys. A fear that he would have to tell his parents, a fear that that kids at school would somehow find out and increase their taunts, increase their hate.

He had always been different, he had the Dad that wasn't quite a socialite, the fact that he was Jewish, the fact that he liked different music, and wore different clothes. But this, if he was, if he actually was gay. This was bigger than clothes, music and Judaism. This was a fault line between him and everyone else. It scared him.

Yet it didn't stop him from going back to his stop on the beach the next day.

He had kept his head down during the morning, not wanting to be targeted again. Yet Jay had slammed him into a locker.

"Whaddya say queer? Cos you're going to get some more."

Seth for once hadn't said a word, his back still ached, the muscles still tight and painful. He wasn't anxious for some more time with those boys and a baseball bat.

Jay walked away, and Seth booted it out the door just as the lunch bell was ringing.

He skateboarded down to the pier, and walked to where he and Josh had sat yesterday. He wasn't there. But Seth reasoned with his brain that was still running too fast. If Union ended later, lunch was probably later. Maybe it hadn't even started yet. He tried to imagine Josh sitting at a desk in a public school but the image wouldn't form in his mind, he could only see him at the beach.

So he pretended that he didn't care that Josh wasn't there, he put his headphones on, and lay down, drifting away. So welled up in his own thoughts that he barely realized it was Josh standing over him.

"Oh hey." Seth said casual like, pulling out his ear phones, sitting up.

"Hey. I wasn't sure if you'd be here."

Seth shrugged. "Why not?"

"I don't know won't your super hardcore school notice you're gone?" The answer to that was of course, yes. They would notice. Especially the second day, but he didn't care.

Seth shrugged again.

Josh kicked his shoe in the sand, looking at the Ocean.

Josh sat down, but didn't look at Seth.

"Can I ask you a question Seth?"

Seth matched his detached gaze on the ocean. "Okay."

He could hear Josh's lip ring hitting his teeth again.

"Are we gonna be friends? Because I've had a lot of people mess with me, and pretend to be my friend and I don't want that." Seth could see now, how upfront Josh was being, he had been hurt, and he didn't want it again.

"I'm not going to mess with you. I'd like to be friends." Seth said it in earnest, he meant it, he just wasn't sure if he wanted more than friends.

"I don't have many friends." Seth said, as a way to fill the space, the awkward space. "Actually I don't have any."

"Me neither."

They were both silent. Seth wondered how he could feel so much for someone he had shared so few words with, spent so little time with. Then he wondered how Josh's lip ring would feel kissing him.

The last thought scared him. How innocently it popped up into his head. How much he yearned for it.

Josh didn't know anything about him Seth suddenly realized. He knew he went to Harbour, he knew he hated water polo players, and perhaps thought he was sexually confused. What if he found out all about Seth and didn't like it? Seth didn't like that idea, but he should tell him, so at least he would know.

"I like comic books and emo." It came out a little odd he knew. But it broke the silence, it made Josh look at him, their eyes meeting. Josh's eyes confirming that this was worth it.

"I like movies, the weird indie kind." Josh responded.

"I like sailing, and skateboarding."

"I like politics, and video games."

"Me too. Well not really politics I mean our governor is the terminator, it kind of turned me off, but video games. I like video games."

"I like emo." Josh supplied.

Seth smiled. Josh had been given the keys to the strange Seth Cohen universe and he wasn't running away.

Josh looked back out at the ocean, Seth could almost see the wheels turning in his head.

"I'm gay."

Seth nodded. His mind secretly rejoicing, but at the same time pondering what was a good response, me too? Oh that's nice? He knew if he didn't say something, the opportunity would be lost. Seth had lost too many opportunities to let this one fly away.

His heart sped up.

"So am I… I think." Seth instantly mentally bashed himself for saying "I think." Seth was always so sure about everything, he had concrete beliefs in everything, yet this one question had knocked him. The one question he wasn't positive the answer to.

Josh was looking at him, with a small grin turning up at the corner of his mouth.

"Its okay if you're not sure, I don't think anybody is at first." This comforted Seth slightly, he had never been able to talk about things like this with somebody before.

"D-do you have a boyfriend?" Seth asked him guarded, almost anxious to get the conversation back to the darker part of friends.

Josh laughed almost bitterly. "Me? No." He said as if it was some sort of foreign idea to him.

"Do you?" He asked back almost immediately.

"No." It's not exactly like he would be walking around Harbour with another guy, and who else did he know?

They both looked back out at the ocean. Josh fiddled with the leather wrist band his watch was on.

He didn't want to be friends with Josh, well he did but as he was realizing the more this conversation went on, he also wanted more.

Seth couldn't really describe what happened next. One second he was looking at the ocean, the next second Josh was blocking the ocean. And he felt lips on his. Cool metal brushing his lips. He had never been kissed before, he couldn't describe the way it felt, to have someone else's lips on his, to feel saliva that wasn't his in his mouth. Seth leaned into him, unsure of what to do, but knowing that he didn't want it to end. He opened his mouth and Josh's tongue slipped in, Seth responded with his. He felt like there were sparks of electricity flying between them. Josh pulled away, just enough to take a breath, and kissed him again, as Seth leaned in, their teeth knocking. Seth smiled with Josh's tongue in his mouth, and he could feel Josh smiling too. He opened his eyes, to find Josh's eyes open just inches from his own.

Seth sucked slightly on Josh's lip where his ring was, and he could feel a moan, small almost non-existent grow in the back of Josh's throat and he liked it.

Josh was kissing him deeper now, his hands running through Seth's hair, massaging his neck. Seth cupped Josh's neck in his hand and pulled him closer, running his other hand down his back.

Josh pulled away, slowly untangling himself from Seth. Seth took in a deep breath, Josh's saliva cooling on his own lips. He felt cold and alone without Josh kissing him. He shifted, mostly to hide his hard on in his baggy jeans.

"So.. Wow." It was the only words Seth could manage to pull out of his mouth.

Josh smiled bending in, touching his forehead with Seth's. He breathed in, Josh smelled like the ocean, and old spice.

Seth touched his hair, noticing the sheen of red it had when it touched the sun.

"Are you okay?" Josh whispered to him, Seth could feel his breath brushing against his cheek.

"Yeah. I'm okay." He was better than okay, he was better than he had been his whole life.

"I meant that I just did that."

"We did that." Seth replied, pulling away, and turning to kiss him again.

It felt more comfortable already, as he allowed Josh's tongue to explore his mouth and he did the same thing. The moan was growing again in the back of Josh's throat and Seth wanted nothing more than to make it louder, pulling him even closer, massaging his lips to his own. Josh pulled away, with one hand still running through Seth's curly hair, and the other massaging on his shoulder. He leaned and began to kiss Seth's neck. Seth drew deep breaths as heat tingled down his spine, as Josh's lips, trailed slowly down his neck, his lip ring drawing shocks. Seth let out a rattled breath and a small moan involuntarily. Josh came back up and kissed him, he could taste his own skin on Josh's lips, his neck still tingling and heat running down his neck, and pulsating in his groin.

They pulled apart again, Seth leaning his head on Josh's shoulder. His heart pounding, his blood rushing, his head swimming.

Seth was pretty sure he was no longer unsure.

Josh looked down at his watch.

"I've got to go." His voice sound sad, and his brown eyes surveyed Seth on his shoulder. "I have to pick my little brothers up at school."

"Yeah. You should go then." Seth didn't want to say those words, he didn't want Josh to leave.

Seth shifted over, pulling himself into a standing position, as Josh did the same.

Josh shifted, Seth put his hands in his pockets.

"Do you want to do something tomorrow?"

Josh nodded, running his hands through his hair, trying to smooth it down.

"Do you want to meet at the pier? The arcade?"

"Okay, like noon?"

Josh brushed his lips against his.

'Okay." He turned to leave, and again Seth watched him go. Smiling each time he turned his head to look back at him.

Seth floated on air all the way back to his house. He relived every moment in his head, he probably couldn't pull the smile off his face with a wrench. He couldn't believe it, it had finally happened to him. His first kiss. It had been perfect.

Up in his room, he sat down on his bed just grinning to himself in the mirror, when he noticed he had something, not exactly a hickey, but something close to it on his neck, just above his shirt line, he felt it with his fingers, Josh had been there. He put on a collared shirt that mostly hid it before his Dad got home. Gave himself a mental talking-to, to avoid stupid grins, spacey eyes, and god damnit get Josh out of his head, at least a little bit, or he would never pull this off.

"Seth?" His Dad was home.

"Get down here!" and he didn't sound happy, Seth surmised, yet he practically skipped down the stairs anyway.

He met him in the kitchen. Sandy stood in the battle position, both of his hands firmly on the counter, glaring right at him.

"Got a call from Dr. Kim today, she told me your skipped all your classes after lunch yesterday and today. Care to explain what the hell is going on?"

School, Seth remembered, his head was so full of other things, he had completely forgotten his truancy.

"Uh well. I… wasn't feeling well?" Seth knew, of course, his Dad didn't buy it, that there was no way he could pull off any kind of excuse.

Sandy shook his head. "You need to catch up on all your work, and if it happens again you will suspended. You don't want that on your record, got it kid?"

Seth nodded, he was thinking about Josh again, he couldn't help it.

Sandy had noticed it, the minute Seth had walked into the kitchen. The kid was practically glowing, he was trying to suppress an ear-to-ear smile. Sandy had meant to discipline him when he got home, meant to yell at him about missed opportunities and the importance of school. Yet instead founding himself accepting Seth's not even feeble excuse. Mostly because when Seth had turned his head, Sandy had seen, just below his collar, a hickey. He had been skipping school to make out with a girl, he was on cloud nine, his son was so rarely happy, he wasn't going to ruin this for him. Sandy still remembered all to well his first girlfriend, the giddy feeling in the pit of your stomach, Sandy didn't have the heart to crush it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** The OC isn't mine! I swear!

**A/N:** So yet again, homosexual situations abound. Be prepared.

Please leave a review if you are reading this, i'd like to know how many people actually like it, and what you think of it.

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Saturdays at the office were a regular occurrence for Sandy and Kirsten, so Seth set out from an empty house the next morning. He was going to be early, he knew that. But his feet had been itching to kick him out the door since his Dad woke him up at 8:30 to tell him he was leaving. He had put them off with a shower, and a bagel, but after that there were no excuses. 

He arrived at the pier at 11, much too early, yet he still skated past the arcade in the feeble hope that Josh would be there. He wasn't.

Seth took a deep breath, he knew from reading strange girly magazines that boys didn't like girls, or other boys for that matter, that were too eager. Seth would not be too eager, or at least he would try. He took a seat as the end of the pier and watched the ocean. Yet at 11:20 he found himself back at the arcade. He didn't quite know what he should do. He simply didn't have the patience for this, he had been thinking about this boy all night, and all morning and all he wanted to do was see him. He sat down on the bench outside the arcade, attempting to stop his jittery leg from going berserk. However with all that thinking about Josh, he had also had to think about something more. He was gay. He knew that now. He had been all along, he had just been waiting for a moment like this, a moment to prove that he could be himself, a moment to prove that it wasn't a mistake, that it wasn't wrong.

"Hey queer!" Seth swore under his breath, ducking his head, he didn't want this right now, and four water polo players calling him a queer were not helping him come to terms with his homosexuality.

"I'm talking to you queer!"

Seth looked up.

"I see you, and I also see the five o'clock shadow you have growing on your chest, you may want to attend to that." Seth said in his usual sarcastic voice, his heart was beating away, they weren't in school now, they could do anything they wanted to him.

"Whaddya say to me queer?" Jay stepped closer to him, menacing. Seth was stuck in his sitting position, with nothing but his skateboard.

"Nothing." He wished he could get the shake out of his voice, he wished he could be stronger.

"Damn right queer." Before he knew, he yet again had hands grabbing his t-shirt and he was pulled to a standing position and was being hauled down to pier. He didn't say anything, he couldn't, what could he possibly say in this situation? He was a queer and he was going to get beat up for it.

The ocean lapped noisily under the pier, and what sounded like a thousand footsteps above them. Seth wondered if one of those footsteps was Josh, waiting for him. That gave Seth some hope. Even after this was over, he had Josh.

"We've been waiting for his queer. No rules, no suspension. Just us, versus you. So lets see what you got." Seth had never been in a fight in his life. He didn't know how to punch, kick, or maul anybody, he was skinny, unathletic and Jewish, he wondered if he should even try. Just as he took a running tackle at Luke. Which of course ended with him in the sand, Luke on top of him, swinging.

A punch in the face hurt more than he imagined it would, it hurt it made his eyes water and clamp his teeth together, as the entire right side of his face pulsed, and throbbed. He didn't say anything. He didn't say anything as Jay kicked him in the ribs, he didn't say anything when Tobin kicked him in the gut, nor did he say anything when Luke stuffed a handful of sand and ocean water in his mouth, and ran away leaving him choking, unable to breathe, and hurt in more ways than one.

He forced himself up, they were gone now. All he wanted to do was go home, but he couldn't stand up Josh, he was the one force that was keeping him going and he couldn't lose him.

He brushed himself off as much as he could, knocked the sand off his face, and his hair, touched his face gingerly, the skin felt puffy and soft. He put his palm over his ribs, where he could still feel the indent of Tobin's expensive Nike's. He didn't want to know what he looked like.

Josh was waiting in the same spot Seth had previously been sitting. Seth's skateboard, left abandoned, sitting by his feet.

"Hey."

Josh raised his head, his head phones still in his ears, the sun glinting off his hair. Josh raised a pierced eyebrow, and pulled out his ear phones, standing up quickly.

"What the hell happened?" His voice was soft and concerned, and it made Seth's heart jump.

Seth shook his head.

"It doesn't matter. Where do you want to go?"

Josh took another step towards him, reached up and very softly touched his face, Seth cringed.

"Is there more?" He gestured towards Seth's body.

"What does it matter?" Seth asked. "I couldn't have done anything against it. Deny that I'm a queer? What's the point? Tell them I am a queer? They would know that they have been right the whole fucking time, and you think then they would leave me alone? Run away? Where am I going to go that they won't find me?" Seth had raised his voice, taken a step away from Josh, just when he thought that this boy understood him.

Josh took a hold of Seth's wrists.

He spoke softly. "Seth, it's okay, I know what you're saying. I know how it feels to be powerless, but you don't have to be. You and me, we can lean on each other now." Seth had the urge to kiss him, just a quick kiss on the cheek, but he didn't have the guts to.

"Come on, let's get out of here." Seth picked up his skateboard, and they walked off the pier.

Seth hesitated for a second before heading up the hill to his house. He knew it would be empty. It was always empty. His Dad wouldn't be home for at least a few hours, his Mom probably wouldn't be home till night fall, bearing take out. He hesitated again, worried for a second what Josh would think of him when he saw his house, the extravagance, the money that dripped off his house. But they headed upwards anyway.

Making casual conversation, about everything unconfrontational, nothing worrying, instead they talked of _Grand theft Auto_, they talked of _Goodbye Lenin! _And Kerouac.

Seth pulled open the door. "This is it."

"Wow." Josh replied in a small voice, craning his neck around the gigantic entranceway.

"It's really nice Seth." Josh said pulling his eyes back to Seth.

"Uh what do you want to do?"

Josh shrugged.

"Uh we could play station, go swimming, I could show you my room." Seth shook his head at himself, way to be stealth he told himself, inviting Josh up to his room!

Josh grinned. "I'll take the latter."

Seth lead him up the stairs, his heart jumping a beat when Josh took his hand, he took in a deep breathe.

"This is it."

Josh sat down on his bed, his face serious, as Seth closed the door.

"Seth, take off your shirt."

Seth darted his eyes around the room, for once wondering what exactly he had gotten himself into. This was seeming a little straightforward.

"Excuse me?" He finally said, not making eye contact with the black clad boy sitting on his bed.

"I know you don't think its serious, and I know you don't want to talk about it. But you shuffled, and favoured your left side the whole way here, they might have broken something, so let me see."

Seth had thought he had kept the painful look off his face, as his left chest continued to throb, but clearly he wasn't quite as stealth as he thought. He wondered what made Josh such an expert. But he took off his shirt anyway, pain shooting up his body, as he raised his arms over his head, to pull off his t-shirt.

Josh stood chest to chest with him, standing slightly shorter than him, looking up at him just slightly, as he ran his fingers down Seth's bare chest. Despite the pain, he found his nerves going crazy, his whole body was tingling, following Josh's fingers.

There was a spot on his left side that was already turning a shade of blue, Josh ran his fingers down it, leaving a trail of heat behind him.

"Your ribs aren't broken." Josh whispered to him. They were so close together, he didn't need to speak at a level any higher. Seth could feel Josh's breath on his neck, as he leaned down to kiss him.

Josh reacted almost immediately. Moving his arms to envelop Seth, pulling him closer, pulling him down to Seth's bed.

Seth could have stayed there forever, with his hands up Josh's shirt, Josh's hands on his bare chest, as they continued to kiss, deeper and deeper. Seth couldn't feel the difference between his breath and Josh's, until the taste of Josh's mouth, felt like his own.

Josh pulled away, pulling Seth closer, nuzzling into his neck. Seth breathed in his smell, the softness of his hair, the feel of his skin, soft under his shirt.

"I could stay here forever." Seth breathed.

"Me too."

They just laid there for long minutes, cuddling, pulling each other closer.

"Seth, when do your parents get home?" Josh asked quietly.

Seth thought for a moment, this was not actually the most key thing in his mind at this moment.

"Uh around 5?"

"Do they know?" His voice was soft, but there was almost something behind it, menacing.

"No. Do you parents know?"

Josh shifted away from him, ever so slightly. "My mom does, my Dad really isn't in my life, so yeah."

Seth wasn't sure what to say, he didn't really want to move, he couldn't remember a time when he had felt so content, yet at the same time he knew what Josh was hinting at. Was he comfortable with the idea that his Dad could walk in? With accidentally outing Seth?

"We should probably get up." Josh agreed, almost too quickly, rolling away from him, off the bed. Seth moved slower, prolonged time in one spot had brought out the pain in the side of his chest. He struggled to put his shirt back on.

Sandy couldn't wait to get home, this case, the interviews and the research for his upcoming trial was getting to him, there was only so much he could take of punk ass kids whose lives where going down the drain and they didn't care.

He was walking to the kitchen, throwing his briefcase hazardly on the table, when he heard voices, Seth's voice and he wasn't alone. Sandy was a little intrigued, Seth hadn't mentioned having a friend over, and he didn't have any friends.

"Seth?" He called out walking slowly into the living room.

"Hi Dad."

Sandy came into view, only to find his son sitting on the floor with the play station, and another boy beside him.

"Uh this is Josh, he's a friend of mine from the arcade down on the pier."

"We ran out of quarters." Josh supplied.

Sandy looked at him, and wasn't sure he liked what he saw. He saw a boy of maybe 16, sitting on his floor in baggy black pants, held with a studded leather belt, and a black t-shirt with some band name he never understood. But it wasn't that which made him uneasy. It was his face, the way he hid behind his hair, the piercing he had, the way his eerie eyes that were flecked with amber looked at him. He didn't quite seem normal, and there was a feeling in the air that didn't quite seem normal, but that thought was pushed away when Seth turned his head. He took a step over.

"Seth? What happened to your face?" His left eye was puffy, and turning a nice shade of purple. His son had a black eye, and he wanted to hear why. Seth was not a confrontational person, he knew that much, he didn't get into fights. So why then would he have a black eye?

Seth was looking at him, uneasy, looking the same way he did when he was a little boy and he didn't want to tell.

"I got into a fight."

"Did you?" Sandy didn't believe it. "Was it really a fight, or was it an ambush?"

"Dad! I don't want to talk about this."

"Well I do."

"Seth, I'm gonna take off, I'll see you at the arcade." Sandy could tell that Josh couldn't wait to get out of the living room, as he rushed past him.

"Well I'm waiting Seth."

"So what they ambushed me, what does it matter? What does any of it matter? It's not like I could have done a damn thing to stop it. So tell Mom whatever you want, I don't want to talk about it."

Seth threw himself down on his bed. He was angry, not only had his Dad practically pushed Josh out of the house, but he didn't have Josh's phone number, nor any way to contact him, Josh was gone and Seth wasn't sure when he'd see him next. Perhaps worse, was that his Dad was probing into his life, like he actually cared? He had never cared before. He asked all the parental questions. How was school? How was your test? How was sailing? But it wasn't like he actually listened to what he had to say.

He pushed into his bed, a bit more. It smelled like Josh, his pillows, his bed spread, all had that same ocean, old spice smell, and all he wanted was him back.

Seth headed out the next morning, hoping that Josh would have been thinking the same thing he had been thinking. He hoped Josh would be sitting outside the arcade, waiting for him. As Seth rounded the corner, he breathed a sigh of relief that caught in his chest. There he was, slouched over, his ear phones in his ears, looking around for him.

He straightened up when he saw him, pulling out his earphones. Seth hoped it didn't matter that his Dad had been an asshole, or that his right eye was a disgusting shade of purple. When he got closer and saw Josh smiling, he knew that it didn't. This was exactly where he wanted to be.

"Come up to my room, my Dad will be gone for hours. He's working on a big case." Josh consented easily enough, probably because they both knew what would probably happen in Seth's room.

Josh sat down on Seth's bed, Seth sat beside him.

"I'm glad you were there." Seth said suddenly, silently cursing himself, he sounded pathetic. God he was emo.

Josh shrugged. "I wanted to see you."

Good god, Josh was emo too, Seth thought, life was good.

"Me too."

Josh broke over to kiss him.

Sandy pulled his car into the driveway, he was pleased that the other lawyer had agreed to a plea bargain, but at the same time, he was upset, because at the end of the day, he had just send a 16 year old kid to an adult penitentiary.

Seth's shoes and his skateboard were lying in the front hall, he hadn't spoken to him since he had demanded him to leave it alone yesterday afternoon. Sandy could not understand what was going on with his son. One minute he was so happy, skipping school, and coming home with hickies and gigantic grins, the next minute he was coming home with a black eye and refusing even to talk about what had happened. He was 16, Sandy could imagine things must be all kinds of complicated for him, but he still wished he would talk to him.

Sandy could hear his music playing softly, so he pushed his door open, knowing he would probably yell at him for not knocking, but he didn't feel like pleading with him to open the door, he wanted to talk to him face to face.

As he entered Seth's room, he was struck with something, that shocked his breath away. Seth, and Josh on his bed, kissing, one of Seth's hands was up Josh's shirt, Josh had his hands in Seth's hair. He couldn't find words to say, his mind was simply racing.

"Oh fuck." He heard Seth breath, as he scrambled away from Josh, off the bed, as Josh scrambled off the other side.

His son was gay, the mysterious girl was not a girl at all, but Josh. Him and Kirsten had talked about the potential of Seth being gay, but he never thought it would actually happen, he always thought he was just going through an awkward stage. That soon his son would muscle out, that he would find a sweet girl, he had so much hope the last few days. But now that hope was gone; his son was gay?

Josh practically ran out of the room his head down, leaving Seth and Sandy alone. Seth was looking at him defiantly.

His Dad was looking at him and there was something in his eyes, something Seth couldn't exactly read, something that almost looked like disappointment. But he supposed he should have expected it, should have expected that he would get caught, should have known there was no way he could keep this big chunk of his life a secret.

His heart was pounding, practically out of his chest. He could still feel Josh's hands in his hair. How could he explain this, with his Dad looking at him like that? He considered for a moment just bolting for the door, following Josh, going wherever. He turned his attention back to his Dad, still looking at him. What would his Mom say when she found out?

"Don't look at me that way Dad, so now you know." He couldn't bring himself to look at his Dad.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Seth could see a million reasons running through his head.

"I don't know, because maybe I didn't want you to know because of the way you would treat me, the way you would look at me, the different way you'd treat Josh."

"I'm not going to treat you any different Seth."

Seth could feel the anger building in his chest with every second that passed.

"Then why are you looking at me that way?" Seth walked off, he could stand the tension in the air anymore, he couldn't stand that look. Was it pity? Anger?

He didn't know, but he hated it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the OC.

**A/N:** If you've gotten this far.. you know all about the gayness. Consider yourself warned.

Enjoy ;)

* * *

Sandy was at a crossroads that he knew. Today would be one of those days that he could look back on, as a day that changed most things. Yet what did he have to show for it? An angry son, disappointed, hurt, confused hiding in his room, refusing to leave or even to answer Sandy's pleas. He wasn't angry, he didn't pity him, he wasn't disappointed but he didn't know the words to say that. 

Perhaps now, even worse, he had to tell Kirsten. He loved his wife and he knew she loved their son, unconditionally, but there was a catch. She was from an upper class world, where everything was organized, properly dressed and straight. Kirsten had largely ignored Seth's troubles in school, and socially for these very reasons. But this was something she couldn't ignore, something she couldn't turn a blind eye to. Something she had to face, head on. He worried how she might take it.

He strummed his fingers on the countertop and waited for the sound of her car in the driveway.

* * *

Seth punched his pillow. Good God, he was an idiot. A fucking idiot. How could he have been so stupid as to have brought Josh home when he didn't know when his Dad would be back? Why hadn't he put something heavy in front of the door? He had been gay for less than a week and already he had been outed. This was certainly not ideal. Certainly not stealth.

He punched his pillow again. And what was up with Josh just taking off? Not a look back, not even sticking around to even try to help him facilitate some sort of outlandish excuse. Just gone. Did he really not care about him? What was this to Josh?

He never wanted to see his father again. If he could avoid it, he would. That look in his Dad's eyes had just burned into his soul, that look told him exactly what his Dad's gut instinct was. Of course, he would cover it up; of course, he would pretend he was fine with it. Seth was after all his only son, and he did love him unconditionally, but Seth would always know the disgust he had seen in his Father's eyes. His Mom was going to be a different story all together; there would of course be denial on her behalf. The protesting of "it's just a phase". The constant talk of girls to lure him back to the straight side. Perhaps it would just be better, Seth thought if he cuddled up in a corner with Captain Oats and never came out. Die a slow, shrivelling death, while his parents' pound on the door that it's alright that he likes boys. He would certainly remember to put something heavy in front of the door this time.

Seth shook his head, pulling himself back to reality, he would have to leave his room, he would have to face his parents, there may even be a "talk" involved, and he would see Josh again. He would ask him flat out what he meant by running off. He would get answers and make up his decision from there. Because damnit it just wasn't cool.

* * *

Sandy heard the noise he had been expecting for the last half an hour. The sound of Kirsten's car pulling into the driveway. He listened with his heart pounding, as the front door open, he heard her keys jingling as she put down her briefcase, took off her jacket.

She called his name. He responded with a grunt. He couldn't pinpoint why he was so nervous, maybe he was on edge from the events of earlier, or perhaps he was worried this would not only be a huge wedge driven between him and his son, but also him and his wife. Kirsten rounding the corner to the kitchen. "Hey Sandy. How was your day?" She asked leaning in to kiss him. Sandy returned the kiss, but there was no time for niceties, this was a conversation that had to happen now.

"You'd better sit; we have something rather important to talk about. I suppose, it really isn't very serious, but it will require some changes on our part, and an open mind." Sandy wanted to make it clear to her that despite his original reaction, based mainly on shock, that he would be fine with this, in the end.

Kirsten sat, her face was pale, her blue eyes scared.

"What is it? Is it Seth, is Seth alright?"

Sandy took her hands. "Seth is fine, but we need to talk about him."

Sandy didn't want to tiptoe around this, he had to jump right into this. "I walked into his room, about an hour ago; I didn't knock, and discovered him in a precarious position." Kirsten cracked a small smile.

"Anyone we know?"

"This person he was with is a boy named Josh." Kirsten didn't seem to quite get it at first, she smiled slightly, and then looking at his face, the smile slowly slid off, her eyes darting around.

* * *

Seth had been pacing around his room for an hour. His Mom's car had pulled in fifteen minutes ago; he forced him to stop the imagination of the conversations that might be going on below. Every imagination got worse. To radical clinics, to outright laughter, to gay jokes, expulsion from the family, expulsion to boarding school? What could it possibly be?

He decided rather suddenly, that he didn't want to wait around for it. He didn't want to see the first looks, and unlike previously decided he did not want to crawl in a ball and never come out. He wanted out of here, and now.

He scooped up his backpack from the floor, tossed rather hazardly when he and Josh had arrived in the room. That seemed like a very long time ago now, Seth thought as he pulled the screen out of his window. He had never snuck out of his room before, but luckily for him, there was a ledge on the wall about five feet down, then a small fall to the bush below, which he sincerely hoped would break his fall, rather than breaking him. Now or never, Seth breathed, as he chucked out his backpack and lowered himself out the window.

He arrived at the beach breathless, after telling himself, for ten minutes, that surely he would not be there. Certainly not. After all Josh had a life, that he never talked about, but that was beside the point. He had one. Seth was sure he had things to do.

* * *

Yet his first instinct was right, there he was. He was sitting, almost in the surf the waves almost reaching his shoes, hugging his knees, looking right ahead.

Seth was practically beside him, when Josh looked up. He jumped up, stepped away.

"Oh God, I'm sorry Seth."

Seth didn't want to hear apologies right now. "Why did you just run out on me like that? I needed you there, do you know how my Dad looked at me?" Seth's voice was cracking, but he starred straight at him. Seth was an emotional wreck he needed answers.

Josh shrugged. "I don't know, I thought I would cause a problem, I didn't know what kind of guy your Dad was. If he was just going to yell, or hit you, or not say a word, I didn't want to make things worse."

Seth weighed Josh's excuse in his head. At this moment, this was all he had, Josh. He didn't want to lose him over a stupid thing, maybe not such a stupid thing, but well Seth was willing to make sacrifices.

"He tried to tell me, he tried to tell me it was alright. He told me he wouldn't treat me any differently, but the way he was looking at me! He was just so disgusted." Seth's eyes were stinging, filling with tears, he didn't want to cry. Not in front of Josh. Seth sat down, not wanting to catch Josh's eye.

"And my Mom, oh god. She lives in this perfect little community, with these perfect people, that hide all their little problems under money and make-up. Nothing is ever wrong with them. And me?" The tears were flowing now, down his face, dripped down his jacket on to the sand. All his confusion, all his worries, and his feelings of ultimate failure they were all coming out.

Josh was beside him, his arm around him, pulling him in tighter. Seth couldn't help it, he did a reflex everyone would, he put his arm around him and cried into Josh's shirt. Josh smelled the same way he always did, the same way his pillow had smelt when he had gone to sleep last night, the same way he had when he had pulled him in close that morning.

Seth pulled away, almost violently. His tears were gone now. He suddenly felt like throwing up.

"I can't do this. There is no way. I can't be this person. I can't be with you. I can't." He was talking fast, stuttering, his head was spinning. He couldn't do this.

"I can't."

Seth was standing a good ten feet from Josh. Who continued to just sit there, Seth's tearstains on his shirt. Looking up at him, with his eyes on him, those eyes, that Seth couldn't resist. Those eyes that made his heart jump and all they looked were sad.

Seth hesitated, looking at him, feeling what he felt for him. Even after knowing him for such a short period. Looking at him he felt things he had never felt. He felt happy, he felt connected, and strangely, he almost felt normal. Surely this giddy feeling that was forcing its way up through hurt, confusion and pain in his gut, is what everyone felt when they met someone they felt an instant attraction to. Surely.

In his one moment of hesitation, Josh was on his feet and in two strides had Seth in his arms, holding him tight.

"We can." Josh whispered in his ear.

* * *

**TBC**  



End file.
